Vampire Identity Crisis

Are you one of those people who orders the same thing on the menu every time you go to your favorite restaurant? I am.

I am that way with everything. If I love something, I LOVE it. A good example is the burritos from the Mexican joint up the road. An even better example is the Twilight series. Ah, yes...all things do point back to Twilight, don't they? Well, I love those books and have read the whole series so many times that it is a joke at work. I (purposely) lost count; just too embarrassing.

Even though I have been ordering the exact same burrito combo from the aforementioned Mexican joint for seven years, I decided that I couldn't keep reading Twilight forever. It might have been beneficial to have had this insight a few thousand pages ago, but whatever.

One thing was for certain; I just wasn't ready to give up reading about vampires yet. I shouldn't be surprised. Mommy Lipstick loved Bela Lugosi's Dracula,although she has made the switch to Team Edward quite seamlessly.

One of my dear friends from high school has always loved vampires. She fell in love with Lestat from the Anne Rice books and told me that she just never could quite accept a vampire that sparkled.Well, I can understand that, and she knows a thing or two about vampires. She always dresses as one for Halloween, but more importantly, she is NOT aging. I saw her last summer for the first time in sixteen years and she looked exactly the same. I am un-dead serious.

I digress. Desperate for vampire drama and preferring instant gratification, I decided to try out True Blood on HBO. It is based on the series of novels by Charlaine Harris (which I'll probably begin reading...oh, immediately). I am still trying to become accustomed to this guy as my new vampire(why is he better looking in real life than on the show) and also some of the fundamental differences in vampire "rules."

I cut my teeth on Stephenie Meyer's world of the immortals being the most beautiful, but in True Blood, no one is more beautiful than (mortal) Jason Stackhouse. Maybe I'll find out in the books, but how could Sookie rescue Bill in the beginning, and why does the shape-shifter simply change into a dog? And finally, did HBO really mean to cast Joel Osteen's wife as herself, er...I mean, as the wife of the crazy pastor of the Church of the Light? Yep, I think they did. Could it be that I'm already addicted to True Blood? Yep, I think I am.

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy....

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Look Mommy, Look, Where are you Mommy (trying to pee, sweetie), Look Mommy, Look, Look, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy....

I have heard that for the last four hours with only breaks to include words like Elmo, Power Rangers, cool, babydoll, poopy, Wall-E, and kiwi. I'm not complaining. Their little voices are beautiful and innocent. I even record them secretly so I can go back and listen to them when they are teenagers and won't talk to me at all.

BUT...you know how wonderful it is to spend a day at the beach, alternating between splashing in the ocean and laying on the sand basking in the warmth of the tropical sun? You know how tired you are at the end of that wonderful day? I'm that kind of tired.

Have Some Sugar

Mondays are busy. At the end of the day's activities, I can barely construct a sentence. (sorry). I did buy this bit of Little Debbie fabulousness at Publix today. Mommy and Daddy Lipstick love these and I grew up eating them. They are just as wonderful as I remembered. Run and get you some, you hear.

Well, Hell No

Today as I was perusing the headlines on MSNBC.com, I saw a link that said "Are men becoming obsolete?". Gasp!!! What?!? I rolled my eyes and clicked on it and of course, it was some long, boring article about artificial insemination and how scientists have found sperm in bone marrow. Yawn...since Pretty Girl kept waking me up last night, I could have won 48 million dollars and my answer would have been, "great" and then I would have yawned.

I'm sure there are those who might find this news comforting (that is, that sperm can exist outside of the, uh hmmm, regular channels), but in praise of the glorious chemical that is testosterone and those fabulous creatures who find it coursing through their veins, I felt inspired to do a bit of blogging.

After all, without men, there would be no beards, no stubble, no five o'clock shadows. And, oh...how I loveth the five o'clock shadow. Moving right along, don't you love how men can have a strong, thick neck and broad shoulders? That wonderful little cleft in between the shoulder blades which is accentuated by the sinuousness of the musculature shouldn't be overlooked.

Biceps and triceps are nice too. Women can work out for days and days and we are not genetically programmed to achieve the bulk of a man. The difference is glorious, don't you think! Don't forget the pecs...those are pretty too. Wait, lest I forget. Men don't like to be called "pretty." Pecs are hard. There, that's better.

Of course, there's more than just the physical. I got myself a little distracted. I love the way men are generally more aggressive, less emotional, logical in a completely different way than women, stubborn in a completely different way, usually protective, strong.

I suppose that ridiculous link did its job-I clicked on it and started writing about it. But men will never be obsolete...unless water and air became obsolete too.

(dedicated to Mr. Lipstick, of course)

The Secret to Good Health

Well, y'all, I feel better! I guess I can make the inference that the real secret to defeating the summer nighttime cough fest is to blog about it twice. I mean, what's the harm in attempting to establish a little cause-and-effect? I'm just giddy that I can drink soda without the tainted flavor of menthol. Cough drops, that is. Not cigs. That's another story, but I digress.

So Saturday, I accomplished a Herculean Feat of Motherhood. Yep, I decided to capitalize that. I felt that proud of myself. I took JBB and Pretty Girl to TWO back-to-back birthday parties. We partied from 3 in the afternoon until 8 that night.

The first involved a giant inflatable water slide and a very elaborate Spiderman cake. The weather was cloudy and on the verge of rain the entire time. If I was a Twilight geek, I would say that it reminded me of Forks, but since I've only read the entire series three times and not four, I'll refrain. It was delightful to watch the kids climb that behemoth and come crashing down over and over. All of us adults would need the services of Dr. Grumpy if we engaged in such mayhem.

The second party was held at one of those Indoor Play Places. JBB and three other boys clobbered each other with inflatable dolphins most of the time. They were extremely aggressive. They never stopped smiling, so I didn't sweat it. Kids sure love inflatable things. They even had a section for age 2 and under. Pretty Girl loved it. She and a little boy from church just couldn't get enough of the baby slide. I was a complete Mama Bear and ran out any older kids who dared enter the baby section. I am usually a little more laid back than that...oh, who am I kidding.

Amazingly enough, I think I had as much fun as the kids. I definitely ate more cake than they did. Mostly though, I love to watch them play with other kids. I am an only child (and even an only grandchild on one side); most of my playing was alone. Seeing them both be utterly comfortable, relaxed, and having fun with lots of different kids is something that both fascinates me and relieves me.

One final thought...
Psalm 34:4. Sometimes things happen in life which terrify your soul. It is handy to know this verse. And believe it.

Did You Know That Halls Cough Drops Have 15 Calories Each?

Well, they do. You can find that on the side of the bag, or on their website, or on one of those anorexia sites where people brag about only eating celery. I have been coughing so much lately that I think my tongue is permanently Halls cherry red. Mr. Lipstick and I have been fighting a particularly persistent summer cold. We take turns waking each other up in the middle of the night with our coughing, snoring, and other attractive bodily functions. It is a truly glamorous life we lead. Sexy too.

Many thanks to you all for your kind well wishes! A Purell-sanitized hug to you all!

Off-Key and Kinda Nasal

I've got the Blow-Your-Nose, Cough-Drop Blues. I'll be back soon. I miss y'all!

Special Feature on the Fourth

Happy Independence Day! I hope everyone is able to have some time to relax and reflect today, eat a bit too much, and see some fireworks. My blog friend Privilege whom I hold in high esteem has featured Pretty Girl today. I am just giddy about it!

My Tipping Point

Sigh...you know that point in the middle of the night when (you may or may not have awoken after taking a nap on the couch)...
and you are wide awake

but everyone else is sound asleep

and it is too late to take anything to make yourself become sound asleep again?

Well, that is me. Right now.

It happened innocently enough. Mr. Lipstick went to bed first which is never a good thing. He snores, and although it is a truly charming sound akin to birds singing or angels' wings flapping, it does keep me awake. I decided to watch just a few more minutes of TV and...then it was...2:30 AM.

Two thirty AM is a bad time for television. There was nothing on but one of those freaky half celeb/half pro poker games. Those people are so odd, and they all have that annoying habit of clinking their chips NON-STOP. If you happen to be one of those people, then congrats on being delightfully quirky and dealing with all of those other weirdos and all of that clinking.

Since the passing of our dear Billy Mays there wasn't even the respite of an Oxi-Clean advertisement to amuse me. I was forced to switch through other channels and made the disturbing discovery that the Bare Minerals infomercial was on seven (yes, seven!) channels. So, P90x it is. Man, these folks are dedicated. If you ever want to see something funny though, just log onto Craig's List for your city and see how many P90x systems are for sale.

And finally, I can see no better use of my bout of insomnia than to troll the internet looking for fun and funny things for our amusement. Check out this site for a giggle. Here's a sampling of the fun:Notice Batman on the left.







And finally, my personal fave...