The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever...Really, the Greatest

Well, alright I guess I've got to come clean and admit that perhaps there is a certain degree of commonality among elementary Christmas plays. There are those who would argue that all Christmas plays are all the same and it is hard to argue with those arguing folks, what with all the Silent Night-ing, the Jingle Bell-ing, and the kids in bathrobe style clothes. There is one grand exception to this and it is that the Greatest Christmas Pageant ever is the one in which you see your child sparkle and shine.

Mr. Lipstick, Pretty Girl, and I attended such a pageant last week. JBB wore khaki pants and a snowman sweater (that I swear to you was not stupid). He and the other kindergartners rang bells and sang songs in German, French, Spanish, and Latin along with the other elementary school kids . Everyone was beautiful, poised, and remarkably well-coordinated. It was a grand affair.

I had an excellent view of the entire play. It didn't start that way. We were sitting on the second row of the church which seemed to be a great idea except that we were on the faaaaaar left and JBB was in the exact center. As the children ceremoniously took their assigned places and the proud parents and grandparents rose to snap pictures, I realized with much horror that we wouldn't be able to see JBB. At all.

I decided to inch forward. I moved toward the center and since everyone was still standing and engaging in much adoration and flash photography, I kept creeping along. Abruptly and without any notice, everyone sat down and became orderly. I was suddenly in front of 500ish people with nowhere to go. So I started crawling on my hands and knees towards the center aisle. Yes, I did say that. You did read that right. Crawling. Hands and knees.

I was crawling along as quickly as I could and suddenly looked up to see the headmaster and five teachers looking down at me in complete surprise. "I, uh, couldn't see my child," I said, smiling, and just kept going. I figured there was no stopping now. Then I looked up and saw JBB's teacher. "Oh, hi Mrs. Jonas," I said nonchalantly, going for the same-voice-I-would-use-if-it-was-the-grocery-store-voice. She looked surprised too.

I reached the center aisle, curled up like a cat, waved a tiny little wave at JBB and watched the Christmas pageant. He was beaming. Later on several people vowed they did not see the, er, fiasco. I think they were actually being honest too. Of course, they may have been just too busy watching their own children. It really was the best Christmas pageant ever. Really.