A couple of weeks ago I was early to work (gasp!) and I stopped in at Starbuck's. Now y'all, I never NEVER do this because I hate coffee. I think it smells nice, so I'm good with a coffee-scented candle and some NoDoz. My only contact with Starbuck's is usually in December when I need to satisfy my annual craving for their Caramel Apple Cider.
On that random day, however, I went into Starbuck's and impulsively bought a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Impulse and I are on very good terms, and when our paths meet, usually good things happen (perhaps after an initial bit of chaos, but that's just details).
Since I do not frequent Fivebucks, I had totally forgotten that, among other menu complexities, "Tall" means "Small." I was in line behind a woman who was so skinny that she could look chic wearing anything (even though she was actually wearing yoga clothes). Paradoxically, she looked very tense. There was a man behind me who was so well-versed in Starbuck's-ese that he was barking out his size/coffee/customization preferences to the other barista with the ease of an accomplished professional. I expected him to then call for a scalpel or perhaps demand order in the court along with denying the need for a receipt. (Am I the only one who thinks it odd that they ask everyone before printing a receipt?)
Since I forgot about needing to step aside while my order was being completed and since the barista kindly reminding me (and she was actually kind...it is the South), I was feeling very stupid and self-conscious. Absent-minded and definitely a coffee fraud. I retreated to the safety of my personal technology (Crackberry) and immediately felt like an awkward teenager. I put away said Crackberry and felt stupid for feeling stupid. Immediately chided myself for all of this ridiculousness. Reminded myself that I am a grown-up and that grown-ups do not let their minds become cluttered with such nonsense. Then I noticed a colleague from work. I wondered if I looked as bewildered as I felt. I was about to tell myself that I was being ridiculous again but then the skinny/chic lady stepped aside with her Venti Chai Yoga Good Chakra Mocha Latte and I got my Pumpkin Spiced Latte. Even though I hate coffee.
I sat down in one of those little uncomfortable chairs that merely look cute and wondered about how many years behind I was on all things Starbuck's...15 years? Probably closer to 20 now. Oh, well. I probably should just think of all the money I have saved because my goodness, that Pumpkin Spiced Latte is so fabulous...I've had three this week already.
12 comments:
Triple like!!! This was hilarious! I can soooo see this whole scene going down! I love you! You have not changed a bit!! ;0)
Please, Mommy Lipstick don't stop writing. Im gonna have to drive to Memphis and maybe we can meet at Fivebuck's. Honey, I'm a pro you'll be safe with me! Xxoo
This cracked me up! I don't wander into a Starbucks very often, but I get nervous that I am going to order the wrong thing or say the wrong thing. Especially when I hear someone ordering something with a thousand different parts!
You are hysterical. Performance anxiety in a Starbucks. I always make them tell me, "What is the name for small again?" And, like you, I can't even DRINK coffee:).
I break all the rules and ask for a Short, which is off-menu, but is actually small. Because I think it's nutty that they think tall=small.
I'm all about a short, non-fat, white hot chocolate, no whip, although I haven't had one in a while.
I love Pumpkin Spice Latte. One of the mnay reasons I can't wait to get home for Christmas. I pray that Pumpin is still on the menu when I get home. Today I treated myself to a ginerbread latte, which is pretty good. But I'm with you, Lipstick... Starbucks should actually be called Fivebucks. Fivepounds is just about right, too,but I think something gets lost in the dollar to sterling conversion ;).
Priceless, this is just a classic post Miss Lipstick, I love it! I have never had a cup of coffee in my life and was a Starbucks virgin (ahem) until last year, I had nary a clue! Fivebucks - what a great name.
Sending you a smile, like the one you put on my face with your post,
tp
YOu seriously have me rolling - I love this post!
Pumpkin spice is one of my favs... might I also suggest in the off season my usual (which is now only 3 - 4 per month, but used to be weekly) Grande 4 pump Caramel Machiato.. YUM to the tenth!
When I walked in SBucks yesterday to get my plain old tall Pike Place, they handed me a little tiny cup with a sample of the Peppermint Mocha. I'm kind of the opposite of you...I LOVE a good cup of coffee (no cream no sugar) and not the sweet syrupy stuff. OH MY GOSH...the peppermint mocha was DELICIOUS. That's going to be my Thanksgiving week treat!
That's one of the reason's I like to go through the drive-thru.
I'm with you on the Pumpkin Spice Lattes. They are pure heaven!
oh girl, you are too funny! I feel stupid in public at least once a day! ahhaha. The closest dang "Fivebucks" to me is an hour away! bummer! Hope your having a great week! xoxo
I know how you felt! I feel that way at Starbucks sometimes too. i do like a Pumpkin Spice though! Yum!
Sounds delicious! And very funny too. I really should surf over here more often... I like the way you write.
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