Fiber Optic

See this pile of light-reflecting fibrous material?

 

It is actually the grey hair that I plucked from the front of my hair tonight after we got home from a birthday party. And this isn't all of it...I had to stop because leaning over the bathroom sink was making my back hurt.

Busy Friday

I am sitting on the couch all by myself. Everyone I adore is sound asleep, and I am finally getting a chance to take in all the politics. I love politics, and I love the conventions. Two highlights for me this week...both Mama Biden and Gov. Palin are so cute and fashionable. Also, I think Beau Biden looks like Steve Carell. I have been wondering exactly how tall Michelle Obama is and why no one told her all week that she should not clap with her hands directly in front of her face.

I am just high on all the history. Barack Obama's acceptance speech on the 45th anniversary of "I Have a Dream" and John McCain selecting Gov. Palin are just almost too much for one week. This week really makes me miss Tim Russert. Why can't there be a live video stream from heaven for the next few months...at least until November or if I had my way, until the inauguration?


In other news...where are you RPh Mommy?
ETA: Mystery solved!!!

So What Do Y'all Think?

Hey all you fabulous ladies of OSB!!! Well, I have to confess. I am not exactly trying to lose weight. It's really Mr. Lipstick's fault.

You know those women (SKINNY bitches) that you find climbing out of the Lexus 400h's, sipping from their carcinogen-free water bottles while wearing the perfect yoga-ish outfit and their 4 carat cushion cuts? I am fascinated by these women and their upscale aura. I don't think they eat very much aside from their organically grown produce and perhaps this is why they are so thin.

I am not one of these women. I don't drive a status SUV and I haven't ever ponied up the dough for the arugula and the water bottles specifically marketed to the uber-health-conscious. Mainly I cannot rock the yoga outfit because I have hips. And a bit of an ass. Mr. Lipstick likes it this way.

I lost so much weigh after I had JBB (the 68 pounds I gained plus 12 more pounds). I felt so chic. I flashed my protruding collarbones like a badge of honor. I was so proud. I was shopping for the yoga/errand outfit.

But alas, Mr. Lipstick got grouchy about it. He lamented that my ASSets were dwindling and he was none too happy about it. Now since I am the sort of girl who consumes a sinful amount of salt, soda, and sugar, Mr. Lipstick's preferences are better than a blue box from Tiffany. I gained that 12 pounds back. Pronto.

Well, I am the same old weight I have been forever. Mr. Lipstick is happy. Life is good.

But, life could be better with some toning. After all, thin thighs does a happy Lipstick make. I happen to have this gadget upstairs. Yes, it's covered with dust and some clothes slated for Goodwill, but I am thinking of putting it to use. Has anyone ever had any luck with this? Does anyone have Suzanne Somers thighs besides, well, her? I think I am going to try it for thirty days (beginning tomorrow because it's late, y'all). I will let you know what happens. I thought of actually posting my thigh measurements, and then I decided that was INSANE. But if this thing does work, I'll post it all to brag.

ETA: This little gadget is actually pretty good. I am finally really learning how to use it. That sounds stupid, but at first it hurt my knees. I think it might work.

R.M.D.

Redneck Moment of the Day:

Brought to you by the letter R and the number 100.

Bumper sticker proudly displayed on the back of a pick-up truck driving around the Kountry Kounty of my childhood: "100% Redneck."
Well, thanks for clearing that up.

(Special thanks to My Mother for her keen eye and for driving behind something funny).

Migraine Monday

This weekend we had two of JBB's birthday parties (with the third to follow later this week). There was lots of cake, many Transformers, and twenty adorable children in attendance. I am excited about blogging about it all; really, I am.

But I am having one of those migraines that makes your vision all weird. Everything is blurry and sort of looks like its far away but close up all at the same time. Since the power of blog addiction is stronger than my really freaky vision, I just had to check in. I'll see you all tomorrow. For now, here is a birthday picture.


ETA: Wow! Thanks y'all for the well wishes! I still have the weird vision thing...My Mother called it Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. Interesting. Anyway, it doesn't seem quite as bad and I may just post stuff all night long!

Bay-jhing

I am just brimming with pride for our Olympic athletes. Their interest, courage, superhuman strength, dedication to their craft, their self-discipline and vision...it's awe-inspiring. Now get the hell off my tv.

Grrrrrr!

There are many things in this world that make me want to spew forth a nasty stream of four letter words, but the one that happens the most is seeing

FWD: FWD: FWD: You've Gotta See This

in my inbox.

R.M.D.

Redneck Moment of the Day

The county adjacent to us is having a fair this week.

Included in tonight's events:
The Baby Beauty Review (for which the required attire is "Sunday's Best")
and
The Mud Drag (pick-up trucks + mud + a cheering crowd = Mud Drag).

I feel classy because we are a good thirty minutes away from this entertainment.

Meme

I was tagged by the fabulous I'm Just Being Me for the Six (UN)spectacular Things about Me meme.

I just have to ask...how do you say it? Is it "meme", like mimm or mee-me or memm-E? What does this word mean? It seems knowing this sort of thing should be a pre-requisite for being a blogger (well, having a blogger account).

And now...for the six things.
1. Frogs and turtles make me nauseated. Frogs are squishy which makes me cringe. That turtles can withdraw all their limbs inside an attached little cover is just creepy.

2. I drove cars with manual transmissions from 1991 until 2007. Even now, I kinda miss it.

3. Mr. Lipstick and I went sky-diving once. Best part...standing in the door of the plane, looking down at your toes, and just seeing clouds beneath you.

4. I hate to go to bed early-even when I'm exhausted.

5. I still miss cheerleading, and I only did it junior and senior years of high school.

6. I have been in love with Sylvester Stallone for 27 years.

There you have it. Told you it was UNspectacular.

I'm going to tag all bloggers everywhere. They will, of course, know this because they are hanging out here. Mostly I want to hear from my bloggy buddies FlowerGirl and Slacker Momma.

Glitterati

Friday was a big day. Cleaning Lady came and made my house sparkle, Mr. Lipstick and I had an actual babysitter, and we went to an art/music/wine/food event at the local art museum. This is the photo the babysitter took before we left. The arrow is there so I can brag about the crown moulding that Mr. Lipstick designed and installed.

Anyway, we are members at the museum which makes us sound fancier than we are. I'm ok with that. The inside scoop is that we have the basic family membership which means that our names are not listed on any of the programs as benefactors and we can't book a private portrait sitting in the gardens.

See-and-Be-Seen was held in the Botanic Hall. There was a nearly endless array of tables with food from various city restaurants (the sort of places whose names are either French, a pun, or something made up entirely). There were little bars interspersed throughout and the trash cans were draped in fabric. We each had Lance Armstrong-looking wrist bands with the date and the title of the event and we bought drink tickets at the door. Chinese lanterns added subtle ambient lighting and a local band played party favorites.

We got our food and drinks and sat down on a white sofa which was way more stylish than it was comfortable. I tried to explain to Mr. Lipstick that since I didn't know these people and had no obligation to talk to them that their glittery presence provided a nice background to our date. They were all integral parts of the scenery just like the lanterns, the flowers and the fabric-draped trash cans.

One of my favorite things about any See-and-Be-Seen event is the way the people dress. There are the Preppy Folks who are very tasteful and always appropriate (and most importantly never overdone), the Artsy Folks who are very eclectic and always have hair with way too much product, and the Pretty People (the ones who really think they look fabulous and are trying to find others similarly situated).

My top picks for most entertaining are the following:

-blonde woman about fifty-ish who was completely drunk and acting like the ingenue she might have been thirty years ago.

-guy with tight pants, boots, jet black hair with loads of pommade who was accompanied by a hometown Dita von Teese look-alike.

-pretty guy with a sport coat, J. Crew sneakers and long shaggy hair. Looked like he was back home after competing in some yacht race. Mr. Lipstick thought he looked gay which means he was attractive and stylish.

-sufficiently pretty blonde girl who had to be in her twenties (heaven help her if she was thirty and dressing this stupidly) who was wearing a silk dress with an uneven hemline and a bright Asian print. It skimmed the floor in a red-carpet kind of way and showcased her jeweled heels. She sort of pranced around, completely unaware that by being overdressed she looked very country-come-to-town and was reminiscent of one of the hostesses on The Price Is Right.

I was having so much fun with all the people-watching and pretentious-food-eating and I can't even express how relaxed it made me to be anonymous (we only run into people we know at the family events). Mr. Lipstick eventually had enough and we walked around in the gardens. After four cosmos I was ready to do a little snuggling underneath a wisteria arbor with only a sculpture to watch. Of course, I had to get out the camera.

I took another picture in the hallwayand another on the way homeBefore I knew it, it was all over. Saturday I ran lots of errands and did laundry. I spent the day daydreaming about the fun of the previous night which made me feel like Cinderella. At least I didn't have to scrub the floors.

R.M.D.

Redneck Moment of the Day:
Starring....ME!

So, I had some Perrier this weekend and I am torn on my assessment. I can't decide if it tastes more like Alka Seltzer or Goody's Headache Powder.

Is It Just Me?

This is my Pretty Girl.


This is Angelina's pretty girl.

Gravity, What Gravity?

The Olympics just don't fascinate me...except for two things. The gaudy opening/closing ceremonies and women's gymnastics. JBB and I watched the opening ceremonies in HD on our obscenely large (64 inch) television. It really was stunning.

Tonight I did manage to catch the history-making of Michael Phelps. I watched because I was guilted into it. I just sort of felt like a loser as an American if I didn't watch the history being made. Tenth medal in the bag and time for my on-the-couch, pre-bedtime nap.

Finally women's gymnastics began. These girls are amazing. How is it possible to rotate around on uneven bars or not fall off of a balance beam? My favorite is the floor exercise. I think that is probably everyone's favorite. I am always amused by the little quirks about gymnastics...like those funny clippy barrettes they all wear (did you see the Chinese gymnast with like eight in her hair?), all the eye makeup and NO lipstick. This drives me crazy because in the mind of Lipstick, lipstick and/or gloss should always accompany a sparkly outfit and eye makeup. I'm just sayin'.

Raise Your Glass

This weekend Mr. Lipstick and I ate some Chinese food and drank some plum wine. It is the only kind of wine that I like, largely due to an unsophisticated palate and a profound lack of interest. I would like to be one of those people who knows what year is great and what year is just good and which year the frost hit the grapes too hard, but I guess the bottom line is that it all tastes weird to me...except plum wine. I'll just leave the being cool to Candlelight and More Wine Please.

I remember my mother and my grandparents ordering plum wine at this wonderful restaurant from my childhood called Jade East. In my memory, it is the most chic restaurant in history. It was red, cozy, with low-lighting from Chinese lanterns. The tables were covered with white tablecloths, and I was too young to know that an establishment can only be so chic if there is plexi-glass covering said white tablecloths to allow for easy clean-up. The best part, besides the memories and the food, was the booths. Each had its own alcove and its own lantern. I loved it. Anyway, they would let me taste the plum wine. It was mostly the suggestion of a taste since the glass was empty, but I felt special nonetheless.

About two or three glasses into our plum wine this weekend, I started thinkin' about drinkin'. College/grad school drinking in particular. Funny how that sort of drinking is very distinct in that you usually don't care about anything except the level of alcohol content. You can just keep going and going since you don't care what time you wake up in the afternoon because you have no real responsibilities and no little humans depending on you yet. After all, you can just drink off the headache.

The last time I really (and I mean, really) drank was the eve of my thirtieth birthday. Some friends of ours had a relative who worked for Jose Cuervo and managed to obtain some black-label, super top-shelf tequila. This stuff had no burn, no bite, and went down as smoothly as iced tea. Do I really need to tell you that I drank it as if it were iced tea? After sleeping all night curled up on the bathmat, I awoke with the worst headache EVER. Daddy gently reminded me that the Bible clearly states that, "strong drink is raging, and anyone who is deceived is not wise." Well, I was quite deceived, and most definitely mocked by a decidedly unsympathetic Mr. Lipstick.

Thinking about that story made me want to create my personal top-ten list of adult beverages that have deceived me. I know this sort of thing varies quite a bit by region so I can't wait to hear your past vices (shameless plea for comments).

Here goes:
10. Zima
9. Bartyles & James
8. Beringer's White Zinfandel (remember calling it "white zin"?)
7. Wine in a box
6. Smirnoff Ice
5. Mike's Hard Lemonade
4. Bombay Sapphire
3. Tequila
2. Jagermeister
1. Everclear

I hope you all have a fabulous Monday!

F-Bomb

BEFORE *picture taken by me as I marvelled at the building's beauty*



AFTER *picture taken by another very sad alumnus*

Hand-Me-Downs 4 Sale

So last week I went to a consignment sale. It is held a few times a year in the gym of one of those non-denominational community churches that has lots of projection screens and contemporary music. The sale has gotten bigger and bigger each time since it's listed on every consignment sale website and mom newsletter. I actually got a lot of stuff...mostly for Pretty Girl since the best stuff is for the age groups who haven't really learned how to destroy things yet. Here is a sampling:

 

 

 

And here are a few observations:

-Black velvet and denim should never, ever be paired together on any single piece of clothing.

-Any name is annoying if you hear it over and over and...especially the name Brooklyn. However, my money is on guessing that it is really Brooke Lynn, just complete with the southern slur.

-Thanks to some well-spent advertising dollars in the Redneck City Times, all those folks came to town to buy all the character clothes that we won't buy. There was a Spongebob Squarepants couch (gasp) that some redneck folks had a fit over the second they walked through the door. They nearly knocked me down to get to it. I was this close to saying, "oh, you can have it" but I decided against it because then meaningless and annoying social interaction would ensue. I am aware that is pretty snobby.

-I bought a sweet red velvet RL dress for Pretty Girl. It is so simple and holiday-ish and best of all, nary a snowman, holly leaf, or santa head in site. So said the Redneck Woman fawning over it: "Oh, you found a Ralph Luh-wren. I just love it when I can get my kids into Ralph Luh-wren." There is just so much wrong with all that, but my favorite is the faux-chic pronunciation.

-And the piece de resistance...I was standing in line to pay and there was a giantly pregnant Redneck Woman behind me. Her shirt read, "Relax! It's Not Yours."

I Bring Home the Bacon, Fry It Up in a Pan

Whoo-hoo! It's Breakfast Night, y'all!

The Weather I Want

 

It's so HOT. I would like some snow. Tomorrow would be acceptable, but now is better.

Sunday Stuff

I am so tired. I really should rest up for Monday's busyness on Sunday night, but I never do that. I usually want to have as much fun crammed in the weekend as possible. This got me thinking about Sunday routines.

Growing up we had church, then a big family dinner cooked by Nonna (I have no idea how she managed that every single Sunday...and no convenience foods either), then a nap, and then back to church.

Nowadays we are Presbyterian and mercifully do not have Sunday night church. Today was like this: chuch, Target for school supplies (I got Pretty Girl some giant crayons and the cutest Hello Kitty notebook for me-not that we were the one who needed school supplies, but you know how Target is-we just had to have it), sandwich wraps for lunch (my fave right now-love tomato basil wraps, roast beef, swiss cheese, and a Dijon mustard slaw), nap, time at the pool, Sonic for a quick and indulgent supper, and bathtime for the kiddies and laundry/clean house time for me. (Hey, Mamalicious, you'd be proud...all the beds have clean sheets).

What are your Sunday routines? Do you race out the door to church or do you attend the Church of the Clean Sheets? I know how it is...we went through a phase where we were devoted parishioners of Select Comfort United. Do you like to get brunch, watch movies, drive around, shop? One thing's for sure...I'll bet everyone is pretty sad that it's all over.

Feel the Beat from the Tambourine

Tonight was girls-night-out with my dear friend Liv. She is an architect turned SAHM with two adorable boys. Her mother is from Columbia and her father is from France which means she has gorgeous features and is always tan. We ate some of her fabulous bruschetta, had some cheap-chic Argentine wine, and then...we saw the amazing chick-flick that is Mamma Mia. We sang and grinned like idiots the whole time. It really was great. We just loved Meryl Streep and her two zany friends, and we even loved the baby-boomer hotness of Pierce Brosnan. (But, whose idea was it for him to sing?) Bottom line: a definite DVD purchase with multiple future viewings.

It Worked for Me

All of a sudden I got this Explorer message about "operation aborted" and I could not open my site. After the initial (and major freak out), I got on some techy sites which mentioned some kind of problem with Javascript and the HTML codes in your footers. I deleted sitemeter and all of a sudden the problem was fixed. I did see the message from blogger that some sites were inadvertently flagged as spam and the owners got an email about it. I thought that was it, but I didn't get an email like that. I had to get this fixed because I am not grouchy anymore and I want to answer the embarrassing song meme and tell you about this funny consignment sale I went to this week. We just can't have these problems with our internetz, now can we?