Have you ever noticed how people like to conspicuously brag in an inconspicuous way? I call this "innuendo braggadocio." I like to call it that because it sounds fancy (and vaguely musical...like vibrato or fortissimo).
Anyway, I think it is funny / interesting / nauseating how some folks like to sneak in their bragging. I wonder if this is a Southern thing. Kind of like how we say "bless your heart" in The South and in The North, you would probably hear...something else.
So without further ado...
The Bragging Girl's Primer
(or How to Look Insensitive and Out of Touch)
1. Complain. A lot.
It is vitally important to find fault with something in every situation. This is how a girl can attempt to indicate that she has discerning taste and lots of worldly experience. After all, nothing is ever excellent. Any and all things are merely adequate at best. Extra sparkly bonus points if the girl dislikes something that everyone else loves.
2. Minimize.
It should never matter how expensive any given item is, always refer to it as "affordable." Bonus points for the Bragging Girl if she includes the actual dollar amount and then reiterates that the item / dinner / international flight is "really reasonable."
3. Have a Plan.
It is essential to be inflexible. The Bragging Girl must never forget that all events revolve around her preferences and perceived needs (including but not limited to dietary and/or water). After all, she is the chic-est one in any crowd and her desires must always takes precedence.
4. Ask for Prayer.
When all else fails, the Bragging Girl should offer up her trials and tribulations for others to mention to The Almighty. If you are stressed that you can't take delivery of your custom-ordered Lexus on time, then, by all means, you should divulge this during a heartfelt time of sharing. Never forget that it is cause for concern if you did not get promptly seated at the best table or if you feel you were upstaged by a fellow Bragger.
That is all for now, because if you are anything like Lipstick, by the time the Bragging Girl has made it to Number Four, you are outta there.
ETA: My inspiration? Well, years of living in The South plus about ten minutes of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and this post practically wrote itself.
20 comments:
Let me see, coming from Charleston, I'd say I know about 100 of the braggers...And Barnwell is about as bad. When I come across someone like that, I start the one-upper, most outrageous -yet believable bragging you've ever heard. So crazy, I'm laughing at myself in my head, especially when they start retaliating and then it becomes obvious they are either lying or way uncomfortable that they are being uped. And so true about the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but it is the best one of those shows...ATL is pimpin'
We don't have any hidden braggers out here in LA! They;re out in the open!!! I have a friend that always asks the question she wants you to ask her. Taking any vacations this year? hawaii? That's nice. I'm going to palm beach, aspen, italy....
Oh girl I saw the sneek peek into the Real houswives of Atlanta yesterday and all I can say is "barf" those women seriously are crazy. My favorite was the woman (i don't know their names) that is divorcing an NFL player she says how men are scared of succesful women.
I just laughed because seriously what did she do that made her so successful? she married a football player spent HIS money, popped out some kids and then hired people to take care of them, cook for them etc. then she divorced said player and now is trying to get a 7 figure settlement so that she can "maintain her lifestyle"
this is hilarious!
Woah... I'm from the south, Louisiana.. Those ladies don't look familiar and I sure hope I never run into one. Funny post though (and sad if it's true)
Just found you through Mamalicious and had to comment...My husband as a friend that we've secretly nicknamed "Slightly Better." No matter what new toy my husband has purchased, SB always comments - "Oh yeah, I have those clubs, but mine are slightly better."
Guess there's no innuendo there!
I can't wait for the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Those women can't be real. It is so sad but I couldn't stop watching the preview.
Kimmy Krack- Slightly Better! That is fantastic. I am glad you found Lipstick.
Lipstick- This is a great post. One of my favorites, ever, as a matter of fact. I think it's Slightly Better than a lot of mine :o)
I will pray to the Heavenly Father that the custom order Lexus arrives in time.
Holly
I read this early this morning and thought I already commented???
I loath people like this.. its like "really, why dont you just come out and brag already".. or they say "oh I can tell you this and not feel like I am bragging"... whatever, you are!
I have not seen the "Housewives" show... I need not!
haha! oh noes, "real" houswives strikes again! although i'm totally guilty of #1 lately.
i think i love you- in a friendly kind of way...
this was the best post and almost as good are the comments- i am happy to be here.
me? i just like to brag plain and simple, not nearly as creative as the southern gals, i guess.
now i must go comment on that sarah palin pic i saw on your page..
too-da-lu
So true, so true. This cracked me up!
I don't watch real Housewives, or any reality TV actually: I like to use my brain, you know? Anyway - that's what i was telling the Mercedez guy when I was picking up my car. It was so reasonable - $500 for a tune up. Glad I got it tuned up before the drive to the Beach House.
This is funny! And let me assure you, these girls exist in The North too! In fact, I have one standing in my wedding next year! Lovely girl...bless her heart...right? Up here I would most likely say something else, but only to myself!
You forgot this one:
Complain loudly about how hard it is to cope with an extremely gifted child.
That is so funny!
I watched the Real Housewives of Atlanta yesterday, too!
I just felt so sorry for that "single mom," who was going through the oh-so-grueling process of hiring an estate manager, chef, housekeeper, cleaning crew, governess AND a nanny! Poor girl.
So funny!! I hope I am not one of these ladies!!
Get ya a domain and I'll set you up- it's not hard!
Oh Miss Lipstick... this one is a classic! Absolutely goes in the book. (You know, the book of collected Lipstick Posts.)
There is no way I can improve on what you wrote, or add to the fabulous comments...so a simple "Oh, yeaahhh" will have to suffice.
Grins & Giggles,
tp
Love this post - it's so true. I even know several who do this kind of stuff in blogland - and you probbaly know who I'm talking about...I recently had a friend tell me she didn't like Obama because he was going to tax her family's income and she was sooooooo middle class and that it wasn't fair to tax the middle class. I looked up his tax plan and she was talking about the $500,000 annual income bracket - I'm sorry, that ain't middle class. ;-)
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