Hey all you fabulous ladies of OSB!!! Well, I have to confess. I am not exactly trying to lose weight. It's really Mr. Lipstick's fault.
You know those women (SKINNY bitches) that you find climbing out of the Lexus 400h's, sipping from their carcinogen-free water bottles while wearing the perfect yoga-ish outfit and their 4 carat cushion cuts? I am fascinated by these women and their upscale aura. I don't think they eat very much aside from their organically grown produce and perhaps this is why they are so thin.
I am not one of these women. I don't drive a status SUV and I haven't ever ponied up the dough for the arugula and the water bottles specifically marketed to the uber-health-conscious. Mainly I cannot rock the yoga outfit because I have hips. And a bit of an ass. Mr. Lipstick likes it this way.
I lost so much weigh after I had JBB (the 68 pounds I gained plus 12 more pounds). I felt so chic. I flashed my protruding collarbones like a badge of honor. I was so proud. I was shopping for the yoga/errand outfit.
But alas, Mr. Lipstick got grouchy about it. He lamented that my ASSets were dwindling and he was none too happy about it. Now since I am the sort of girl who consumes a sinful amount of salt, soda, and sugar, Mr. Lipstick's preferences are better than a blue box from Tiffany. I gained that 12 pounds back. Pronto.
Well, I am the same old weight I have been forever. Mr. Lipstick is happy. Life is good.
But, life could be better with some toning. After all, thin thighs does a happy Lipstick make. I happen to have this gadget upstairs. Yes, it's covered with dust and some clothes slated for Goodwill, but I am thinking of putting it to use. Has anyone ever had any luck with this? Does anyone have Suzanne Somers thighs besides, well, her? I think I am going to try it for thirty days (beginning tomorrow because it's late, y'all). I will let you know what happens. I thought of actually posting my thigh measurements, and then I decided that was INSANE. But if this thing does work, I'll post it all to brag.
ETA: This little gadget is actually pretty good. I am finally really learning how to use it. That sounds stupid, but at first it hurt my knees. I think it might work.
21 comments:
Please, please, please give this a shot! I have never used it but I seem to think about this particular gadget quite a bit when I am working my arse off on the elliptical.
If it works then I will be on ebay to make the purchase!! Can you even buy them elsewhere?
Funny. Slightly sarcastic. Witty!
And you own a Thigh-master?
Girl, I can't wait to hear about your month and if it works!
You must fix your hair like that if you are going to use the thigh master, and wear an off the shoulder leotard!!!!
I will ask "train with dave" about decreasing our thighs.
PS - I have always been told I have GHETTO booty!
What a funny post!! Good luck and let us know how it works for you.
yep- I used to own the Suzanne Somers thigh master. I gave it up because I pulled my groin using it.
no. I'm being totally serious.
As far as my hubby is concerned, his favorite "body type" [out of the several I have posessed in the past decade], was my postpartum "curves". Yep. I don't get it. Apparantly I married a "butt guy"....he....he...
Get yourself a countdown widget! (mine is counting down til Joe Jonas turns 21)
Go, thighs!
you're too funny! (My problem area in my damn tummy!)
Girl... Ha! I bought mine at a garage sale and sold it at one...
Maybe you'll have better luck with it than I did. But, I was faithful for several months... We are talking about toning up the inner thighs, right? That's what I was after. My legs are my prize possession MINUS the inner thighs. I c.a.n.n.o.t. tone that area up... Even after like 1,000 reps on hip abduction machine in the gym!!!
MWP - YES, please ask Dave what to do with this area. I would LOVE, LOVE to know what works!
And, oh, how I would love to have junk in the trunk... I just wasn't born with it... ha!!
I have no desire to use the thigh master. Mainly because I might pee myself a little with the strain of it all. Oh. Sorry. Was that tmi?
Good Luck with that and the hair do to go along with the leotarded outfit for the SS Thigh Masta Plan.
Holly
LOL-- I used to have the thigh master!!! It'd now in some graveyard along with all of my other workout tapes and crap. Perhaps I should try using them rather than bitching about the 20 pounds plastered on my belly, but it's more fun this way.
everyone knows one of these "skinny bitches" hahaha
Ugh, those "skinny bitches" annoy me. They're the type at the playground wearing their $300 designer shades who have the nerve to dress their daughter in a SKIRT for a playdate.
I think I remember trying out the Thighmaster when I was younger, but I didn't like it and was too uncoordinated for any success. I'll take an elliptical trainer any day.
I have come to accept the fact that I will never be a skinny bitch or have protruding collar bones. Makes me sad but I have accepted my huge body.
hehe - good luck with it! I have a huge problem with my legs - I am just lazy and eat a lot of cake.
I have that contraption. I also have the other one. I do work with them every now and again.
I just got the Wii fit and I love it - it makes getting back in shape fun and easy! I hate to work out, but I'm really liking this! It's got lots of things that would tone you...going to track my success as well and post on it when I've had it for a while!
I have no idea if that contraption works or not, but I'd be curious to know. I have been running this summer, with a bit of swimming or rowing or elliptical machine thrown in, and while I have not lost a single pound, my thighs are wayyy more toned than they were. I think you should take your measurements, and then post them once you've got "improvements" to brag about!
lipstick, those women work out all day every day because they don't have jobs and they have nannies!
my man is the same way - if the ass goes I hear about it.
Fabulous post!
Just dragged mine out of the closet, did I ever use this thing?
Does this mean we aren't going to be seeing the stripper pole? (Is that what it's called? We can't remember.)
Good for you! You go!
tp
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