Sunday, September 02, 2012

I Was Tortured in a Horrible Manner...and Required the Respite of Earplugs

You know that show Modern Marvels on the History Channel? Mr. Lipstick loves it. Thanks to his common control of our remote I have fallen asleep to Modern Marvels: Corn and Modern Marvels: Dirt. Oh yes, a whole hour about...dirt. Then there were the engineering shows about everything that was ever built in Dubai. Those pervaded our television for what seemed like an eternity until Dubai experienced some kind of economic crisis or at least someone over there decided they had enough hotel rooms with gold doorknobs.

Tonight, however, Mr. Lipstick, master carpenter, songwriter, and lawyer, stooped to a viewing level so low that I covered my eyes and fled the room in search of earplugs. He started watching Lizard Lick Towing. While these folks attempted to repossess a tractor, I heard gratingly horrific accents, poor grammar, and overall ridiculous behavior. Those annoyances were only interrupted by cartoonish violence and grunting. Oh yeah, and dude that owns the company was wearing a shirt that proclaimed, "Get Licked." I wanted an emesis basin. Earplugs were less messy.

For some utterly bizarre reason Mr. Lipstick found this show extremely amusing. I think I have devised the appropriate retaliation: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. That is, if he doesn't notice that I'm actually wearing earplugs while it's polluting our tv...

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Don't Let the Grease from Your Waffle Fries Stain the Pages of Your Bible

If I don't talk to a homeless person at work nearly every day, it is only because one of my co-workers already has or that homeless person couldn't get a bus pass to our pharmacy.  They come because we offer a charity program which includes free medication.

Last week's passion about Chick-Fil-A among the Christian community embarrassed me.  Of course everyone has the right to support this cause or that cause that he or she deems worthy.  What embarrassed me, downright angered me was that all those folks who crowded the drive-through and the surrounding parking lot of our local Chick-Fil-A never seem to be lining up around 7th Avenue to donate food to our local Rescue Mission.

Why are these folks more concerned about the politics and the so-called morality of their convenience food than people who are hungry and have no home, much less cable or an SUV or an iPhone.  It made me sad.  One could make the argument that these same folks may contribute through their churches or various organizations.  That is certainly admirable.  The Rescue Mission relies on donations.

However, Christians aren't called to distance themselves from the poor, the rejected, the disenfranchised, the mentally ill.  Jesus certainly didn't.  Why can't we remember that?  Why is it that supporting some small and idle comment of a corporate giant of a chicken chain is more important than hungry people?

Regarding the "Kiss In"...well, what did those folks vehemently supporting Chick-Fil-A expect?  Those who so fervently and publicly supported Chick-Fil-A could well be viewed as committing an act of aggression.  No wonder LGBT people hate us.  They feel like we hate them.  I saw many urgent calls for prayer for the Chick-Fil-A employees to help them cope with the "Kiss In."  Where are the urgent calls for prayer for the homeless and the hungry?

Sunday, March 04, 2012


Loooong before I was born, CBS did sort of a risky thing. (Well, alright it wasn't that long before I was born). They planned to air a goofy, country-themed variety show for middle of the 1969 television season. The last NEW show aired on December 27, 1997. Tell me you've guessed it. Better yet, I'm hoping you've watched it. I'm talking about Hee Haw.

Over five hundred and eighty original episodes were taped and thanks to the magic of cable, you can still watch them. Ever so often, Mr. Lipstick in his role as Commander-in-Chief of the Remote will decide that We the Family need to see a little Hee Haw. I love it. The kids complain until they get sucked into the cornfed vortex, then at least one of them will ask for another episode. No, we say. Only one. No Hee Haw marathons around the Lipstick household. It's just not right. It messes with our nostalgia. After all, for twenty-eight years, Hee Haw was a once-a-week gig.

I remember watching Hee Haw on Saturday nights while Mommy Lipstick cooked supper. We watched it mostly on the little tv that was in the kitchen and yes, we quoted, sang, and cackled along with it. Mommy Lipstick just gasped, "Sweetie!!! Do you have to put everything on the internet?!" I guarantee it.

The kids think it's weird when Mr. Lipstick and I say things like, "Salute!" with gusto. They'll learn. I was so curious who might be among the Hee Haw nostalgia crowd that I made, "watchin' Hee Haw," my FB status update. I got a few thumbs up, one of them from, God-love-her my Cousin. I burst out laughing. She knows. She gets it.

I have decided to segue from tv to engines by posting a picture of my dear grandfather DeeDa, me, and my 1954 Farmall Cub. It is my most prized earthly possession. I would try and squeeze this thing into Heaven if I could figure out a way.

Friday my car made a, "funny noise." This weekend Mr. Lipstick mounted a valiant effort to fix it only to find out that Lipstick-Import-mobile parts are not so easy to find. Finally, the part was found late Sunday, and the repair was made. The Lipstick-mobile is again whole. The entire ordeal was fascinating to me, the Hee Haw fan, because growing up, both Daddy Lipstick and DeeDa always knew their way around a car. I knew I wanted a man who could fix a car. Turns out Lawyer Mr. Lipstick can still be Mechanic Mr. Lipstick. Useful. Sexy. I also found this experience pretty interesting because I think nearly all of our friends these days live in subdivisions which prohibit working on your own car. You know, gated or the like. Apparently, associations view mechanic-ish-ness as tacky. Well. They never met my Mr. Lipstick. A lawyer who can fix a quirky import is a desirable thing indeed. Salute.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Where the Grass Is Green...

So...did you ever find out a little tidbit of celebrity trivia that truly shocked you? Something that you just couldn't get out of your mind no matter how hard you tried? And, by the way, doesn't it make you feel kind of...UGH...because after all, we don't know these people? Well, y'all this has happened to me.

Earlier this month (drumroll) Axl Rose turned 50. FIFTY.
Why is that earth-shattering? I...(irritated)...don't know. It just freaked me out. Because I think of Axl Rose like this.
Sort of slimy, but pretty.

I definitely do NOT think of him like this.
Heavy, dressed like a banana, and yet looking like he hadn't eaten one in twenty years.

I remember when Madonna turned fifty. That shocked me too, but she's so hell-bent on aging gracefully that that I can sort of pretend that she's not aging (and therefore that I am not aging). Poor Axl...he just looks hell-bent.
Someone get that man a dietician, an organic meal...hell, a diet soda. Apparently too much Paradise City does not equal aging well. Boo hoo sniff sniff.

I've been listening to lots (and LOTS) of GNR this week. Such great rock. So decadent. But you know, I've had the oddest compulsion to start doing yoga. Thank you, Madonna.

*In other news, here's a little riddle. What do you do when it's hard to keep up with having one blog? Start another one, of course. It is about my six month absence, ankle surgery, and new diagnosis of reflex sympathetic dystrophy. Probably boring to most readers, but if you've ever spent six months in a cast only to find yourself not healed, then this blog is for you.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Ooh, I Like This One

I confess that I haven't truly educated my children properly about TV. About live TV, that is. Mr. Lipstick and I have been so hooked on our DVR for so long that Pretty Girl even asks me to fast forward commercials. Oh, we've tried to tell them about how when we were growing up that we had five channels and that we had to actually watch shows when they came on tv, but one of them usually says something like, "why would you do that?" and we erupt in peals of laughter. Then we un-pause the tv and life goes on. So it really it a wonder then that I caught this commercial. It is the new one advertising the Jason Wu for Target collection and it is SO CUTE I just wanna scream. Enjoy!